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Relationship Deal Breakers

The other day I was hanging out with a very close friend. We started talking about different relationships of people we both know, and our past relationships. So I got to wondering, where does someone toe the line? What does your partner have to do for you to decide that you can’t be a part of that relationship anymore?

We all have our different thresholds for what we can and cannot tolerate. I’ll admit, most of us are a little harsher than most. To make things more complicated, women these days are self sufficient. They do not need to ‘vumilia’ in a relationship in which they are not happy. This has changed the dating parameters for men quite a bit. It’s not unusual to meet a man who has been dumped and does not have the slightest idea what went wrong. So let’s take a look at the things that really annoy women, to the point of throwing away the ring you bought her worth 50k :-)

Cheating. I don’t care what anyone says, cheating is the number one deal breaker! Well, at least for me it is. God help you if I find out you’re fooling around. I’d be even more upset if you are cheating and we’re married.   I know some women do choose to put up with this for various reasons. However there are more that just can’t. I know myself; it’s an instant deal breaker for me. I’m sorry but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with pictures flashing in my mind over and over again, of him in bed with HER. And anyway, why would you want to be with someone you can’t trust? Eventually, even if it’s after 20 years, that relationship will fail. So why not save yourself some time and more heartache?

Workaholic. A relationship can only work if there are TWO people involved. I can’t compete with someone’s work and I shouldn’t have to. I’m not saying that a man should neglect his career or his source of income. I’m just saying there should be enough time for me. I’m not one of those who have to be around my man 24/7. I know some girls who are even happy with one day a week. The schedule has to work for both of you. I know a girl who would see her man once every two months, if she was lucky. Now surely, does that even qualify to be called a relationship? Maybe I’m selfish, but if you don’t have time for a relationship, then DON’T GET INTO ONE!

Anger Management Issues. The guy may seem perfect and charming at first, but the more time you spend with him, the more you’ll notice his *ahem* “issues”. He’ll talk to you about how upset he got over something a normal person would shrug off without a second thought. Once he gets comfortable with you, beware. The snapping will most likely get directed at you. Warning: this guy will probably need to punch something (like a wall) to relieve his anger. And when the wall is not close enough, it’s your face. He needs therapy before he can decide to get into a relationship. And even then, I don’t know if I can make it with a guy with such a history…

Poor Hygiene. Chronic bad breath, disgusting body odor, and blackened or long finger nails all fall under the category of poor hygiene, which is just plain gross — and definitely a deal-breaker. Pass. I just can’t. You may think you can persuade him to clean up his act, but how can you be in a relationship where you’re scheming to change your man’s ways? And anyway, you’re supposed to be his lover, not his mama…

No Ambitions. They say misery loves company. If a man is not doing anything with his life, or even worse, does not want to do anything, chances are he’ll drag you right down along with him. When two people get together, they are supposed to build each other, not drag each other down. It may sound harsh, but if you’re not helping my life, why should I be with you? I want a man who will challenge me intellectually and push me to be the best I can be. A man who doesn’t know where he’s heading will only confuse your life and be a barrier to your success. Let go of him! I would, in a heartbeat.

So those are my top 5 deal breakers. I don’t think I’m being picky because in the long run, a relationship is supposed to uplift you. If you feel it’s no longer doing so, maybe it’s time to walk. What ever your deal breakers might be, always remember never to settle for less than what you really want. You deserve the best – to have what makes you truly happy!

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6 responses

  1. tall

    u forgot abt the mulla! but i guess that fits into ambition….

    u read todays daily nation re the goldiggas? check it out….

    also read the synovate (steadman) professional survey on kenyan women!

    here’s the link: http://nairobijournal.com/?p=270

    lastly, we have had some much about what women want from we men….

    but i just got one question for women, do they look at themselves and ask whether they fit the standards that man want?

    more like i would like to be hired as an MD of safaricom and earn like 5m a month….but i will HAVE TO ask maself whether i fit the job description that safcom is looking for!

    May 20, 2010 at 2:21 pm

  2. tall

    got a lot to say on this….so finally…

    i wud ask women to snap outta this cinderella complex….that only a man can make u happy!

    i wont go into a relationship to make anyone happy!

    or to make maself happy! cos if ma happiness comes from that person, what happens when she leaves me? means i will be like a dru addict…

    chics need to learn that happiness comes from themselves….happiness is her personal responsibility…not mine!

    so waiting for me to do stuff for her ati so that she can be happy is just duh! she beta buy a dildo!

    i want a chic who’s happy by haself…just as i am happy ba maself

    May 20, 2010 at 2:25 pm

  3. itchbay

    I’ll def look for the Nation article.
    Now the synovate one, I’ve read, and it made me worried. It says:

    According to a recent article the UK Telegraph, men are bigger gold-diggers than women. And research there shows that the tide is turning, with many men willing to be financially dependent on their partner.

    What is happening??? lol

    I think men are not very vocal about the type of woman they like. They usually just say “homemaker”. I’d like a man to tell me exactly what he’s looking for. I’m actually confused.

    May 20, 2010 at 2:31 pm

  4. tall

    wacha mcheso wewe!

    did u actually open the link? it was a survey in kenya….lemme post part of it..

    Source: http://nairobijournal.com/?p=270

    According to a recent research by the Steadman Group, the majority of Kenyan women are gold diggers. Of the 2,010 women interviewed, 81 per cent said they would only marry a rich man.

    Urbandictionary.com defines a gold-digger as a man or woman who uses their sex appeal to get money from the opposite sex. The term was borrowed from the California Gold Rush of the 1890s, when miners flocked to the area with hopes of striking gold and becoming millionaires overnight.

    But what is wrong with wanting a man who can afford a little luxury? And where does one draw the line between wanting financial security and plain old materialism?

    According to Laban Wesonga, who has been in a relationship with a gold-digger, the figures by Steadman are conservative compared with the reality on the ground.

    Wesonga, who works with a bank in Nairobi, had dated his ex-girlfriend for close to four years before he realised what she was truly like.

    Things were going well and Wesonga had even introduced her to his family as his fiancée when he unexpectedly lost his job. She left him almost immediately, saying the relationship was no longer working.

    A year later, Wesonga got an even better job and when she learnt about it, she came back and asked that they give their relationship another try. But Wesonga would have none of it. “She was only after my money. She calls to check on me but I have no time for her,” he asserts.

    Like Wesonga’s former girlfriend, there are, indeed, women who remain in a relationship only for what a man can provide. But it is important to note that women involved with older men are sometimes unfairly labelled gold-diggers simply because society has certain criteria for an acceptable relationship.

    Among these is that that a couple should be fairly close in age, class and to some extent even looks, such that a person who is considered too pretty or handsome for their partner’s “league” is viewed with suspicion.

    But gold-diggers — both male and female — have no respect for such things and live strictly by the motto, “No romance without finance”.

    May 20, 2010 at 3:17 pm

  5. tall

    here’s the link to the nation article titled “Confessions of a gold digger”

    http://www.nation.co.ke/magazines/money/-/435440/921282/-/rk9e8l/-/index.html

    May 20, 2010 at 3:26 pm

  6. Those are some of my deal breakers too!!! Once a Tiger always a tiger :p Cheaters just have to go! I never understand why people get committed if they know they are incapable of being faithful! Just stay single and mingle!
    And as for poor hygiene, dudes with long finger nails especially the pinkys are just nasty looking yuck!!! invest in a nail cutter lol.
    Every woman deserves attention so your very right, workaholics are a no no.
    Men with anger management issues better stay away from them before i work on them like JLo did in the movie Enough, the whooping that man did not get!!

    May 25, 2010 at 6:32 am

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