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Valentine’s Day DON’Ts For Women

Yesterday we tackled the all-important DON’Ts for our male counterparts. Today, let’s focus on us. Women get really excited on Valentine’s Day. At my work place, it seems the ladies get divided into two categories on that day: those who received flowers and those who didn’t. Needless to say, despite all the excitement it can be a very trying time for some of us. If you’re lucky enough to have a Valentine, the work doesn’t end there. There are quite a few things you need to keep in mind.

DON’T have unreasonably high expectations. Let’s face it. Men are already confused and don’t even understand why this day is important for most of us. Don’t pile on the pressure and have him walking around like a zombie. If possible, let him know before hand that you are not expecting the world from him. His efforts should come from the heart and that’s all that matters.

DON’T skip out on buying him a gift. The women’s liberation movement has come too far for you to single handedly kill it with one selfish act. He needs some pampering too. Let me put it this way. I usually thank my boyfriend from time to time for simply putting up with me (yeah I can be quite the bitch). So if he’s put up with you all year round, I think he deserves some special recognition. So go ahead and splurge on him a little. Make him feel special.

Now for this one, I need you to imagine me holding a gun to your head as I say this. DON’T wear all red. Seriously!!! You want the truth? When you wear all red, you look like someone dropped a bucket of blood on you, and then rolled  you around in red paint. It’s awful so stop it. Red dress, red clutch, red earrings, red shoes (kwanza those plastic looking exhibition ones) – it all has to STOP! You look horrendous and it makes us think you have not one original bone in your body.

DON’T buy lingerie that makes you look like a River Road tramp. OK it’s confession time. I once watched a Kenyan porn ( just out of curiosity :-) ) and all I could think of is how any man can get turned on by that. The whole point of lingerie is to turn you into a fantasy…not a fantastic whore. Lace is fine, just don’t overdo it. I find black lingerie gives an instant glamour boost but whatever works for you. Oh, before I forget. DON’T wear those Avril like granny panties. Conjuring up images of his mum/grandma is an instant mood killer.

DON’T eat like a pig. You’re trying to set the mood so it makes no sense for you to work hard at scaring the man! There are a few things you should also avoid at dinner. Please order something familiar. This is not the time to be adventurous. If you don’t know what pesto bruschetta is then you probably shouldn’t order it.

Don’t order anything with garlic either. Unless of course you’re not planning to be up close and personal with your man. Try to order something without bones or something you’re comfortable eating without appearing to be a creature from the Discovery Channel. Remember I said you’re trying to be his fantasy and somehow I just don’t think there’s a man who fantasizes about a man-eating lioness. So just skip the ribs.

DON’T order any super green vegetables. I know the doctors says it’s good for you but you won’t be thinking it’s that good when your date is struggling with how to tell you that something’s stuck in your teeth.

I have something for those of us without Valentines too :-) DON’T contact your ex. There’s a reason why he’s your ex. Unless you want to go through the whole break-up rollercoaster again.  Resist the urge to call, e-mail, Facebook, instant-message or text your ex. Trust me, no good can come of this. And if you think you’re a chronic drunk dialler, just skip the alcohol altogether.

If you know you’re going to feel sad, make plans with someone to get out of your house and do something fun. Whatever you do, don’t stay home and feel bad about being single. Men are better about this than women. Men know to call a buddy. It’s women who really are vulnerable on this day. People should not stay home. If you stay home, you’re more likely to feel worse, so get out and have fun. The best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever had is when I went out with a bunch of my girlfriends for karaoke night (sssshhhh we’ll keep that just between the two of us). 

Happy Valentine’s Day ladies!!!

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