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Shaffie Weru & The Desperation of Kenyan Women

Before you get your panties/boxers in a bunch, let me first say that I have never met Shaffie Weru (he may be a truly wonderful human being), and yes, I am a Kenyan woman. This is purely from an outsider looking in. Those of you who read Shaffie’s interview in Pulse today must have been entertained, tickled, disgusted or just shocked. At first I was thoroughly entertained, until I took some time to process what it was this man was really trying to say. We all know about open relationships. Life gets very unconventional these days and Kenya seems to be battling to keep up with the rest of the world. I have no problem with people doing their own thing. However, we have to draw a line somewhere. Whether you want to hang from the ceiling butt naked or not, people need to respect themselves and the people around them.

Now, I’ll just pull a small excerpt from the interview, word for word, so that you can see what I’m talking about:

Let’s start with the playboy tag…

I’m not a playboy but a party boy. I would say I don run around with women, as was the case while back. I know many people would want to now if I’m dating Debbie Asila and Joan at the same time. I would say that it’s really none of their business, but that makes me sound rude.  The truth is, they are both a big part of my life.

Debbie is the mother of my daughter, I adore and respect her, she’s been there for me and has invested so much into this relationship. Joan on the other hand is here now, and everyone just has to deal with it. I’m seen more with Joan, especially in the pictures that appear in the media.

So how do you manage?

My family lives in Upperhill while Joan lives in Kileleshwa. I shuttle to and fro; sometimes I’m with Debbie and other times I’m with Joan.

It does strains me because it’s a lot of energy having to be in two places every now and then, but I put myself in this situation so I try and manage it. Like I said, I don’t have time for more, I’m tired of women. Two is already a handful. Nothing lasts forever; I guess the shuttling to and fro will eventually come to an end. I take it each day at a time. May be I’ll end up with whoever hangs on the longest.

And are both Debbie and Joan fine with the sharing?

They are definitely not OK; they don’t see eye to eye. I however try to make each of them comfortable. It’s tricky, but I try my best. One thing about Debbie is that she is independent and she goes about her business. It’s like she doesn’t care. She’s moved on with her life, so long as I fulfil my responsibility as a father.

You can see that he started off quite well. He even stated that he respects the mother of his daughter. A few sentences later, he’s shuttling back and forth between the two women and hoping to end up with whoever hangs on the longest. *blank stare* If I were either Debbie or Joan, trust me, there would be no peace in Nairobi county tonight. The Luo in me would throw stones and ng’oa the reli from Kibera all the way to Museveni land this very night!

Now, we can’t put all the blame on Shaffie. After all, these two ladies are hanging on of their own volition, right? He is not holding a gun to any of their heads. Why do we do this to ourselves? There are so many eligible men in Nairobi. Shit, I hook up so many pals to great guys almost every weekend. This story sounds like a joke! At one point I thought Shaffie must be filming a Kenyan version of The Bachelor.

We women must learn to do better for ourselves. We must respect ourselves. If a man can talk about you like that in a national newspaper with online presence, he has lost any respect he had for you if he had any at all. Remember the story about his birthday where one of them (can’t remember if it was Debbie or Joan) was causing a scene over him? What the fuck? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad? If a man has decided he can live without you, or that you are just an option, then let him be for heavens sake!!!

The other day I was watching Churchill and he had Rev. Timothy Njoya as a guest. They got to talking about why women in Kenya are saying there are no men to marry and end up praying with a Nigerian pastor for husbands. Njoya made a very poignant point. The gist of what he said is that women have becoming easy. Yes, the problem is that simple. He compared the situation now to his days where you had to work extra hard just to get one button of a woman’s shirt open. These days, we basically serve ourselves up on a silver platter to the men. They don’t have to do any work. Therefore, we lose our value as women.

I was at Rafikiz this past Tuesday (sema Mashujaa Day excitement lol) and the women there were basically nude! One waitress even told me that the women they see on Tuesdays are some of the most desperate women in all of Nairobi, if not Kenya. Let me tell you girls. I usually hang out with lots of guys (end result of being in a relationship where you’re cool with his boys) and they basically said that the reason they go there is to pick up chics for one night stands and then it’s on to the next.

I’m not saying don’t have one night stands teeheehee. I’m saying, if that’s what you want to do, go right ahead. It’s a free country after all. But take it for what it is. Don’t expect him to automatically want to wife you when you accidentally get pregnant. Take responsiblity for your actions, and above all, when he says he’s moving on, let him be. Please note I’m not saying Debbie was a one night stand. I’m now speaking generally. Ladies of Kenya, we’ve got to do better or we can forget our dream of 50-50 leadership sharing with the men according to the new constitution!!!

xoxo

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64 responses

  1. Loved your blog….ALOT…about the hook ups…ahem 😉

    December 2, 2010 at 9:43 am

  2. Welcome to the blog Nemo 🙂

    December 2, 2010 at 11:37 am

  3. Thnx alot 🙂

    December 3, 2010 at 12:07 am

  4. Pingback: Linda Muthama…Crazy In Love??? « That Bad Bitch

  5. Haa:p funny! Mscheew

    December 14, 2010 at 8:51 pm

  6. I THINK THAT SHAFFIE IS TIRED OF DATING THOSE TWO WOMEN BUT I THINK HE CANNOT BE BLAMED AND IN MY POINT OF VIEW IS SHAFFIE IS ONE BROTHER WHO IS AT THE TOP OF HIS GAME

    February 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

  7. Abubakar

    @NIMMOH – What the hell are you saying –
    ” Shaffie is one brother who is at the top of his game” – What game fool?
    As a parent i’m very much concerned to see the idols chosen by Kenyans. Shaffie should understand that he is of a few celebrities that Kenyan’s have and the fact that he is an idol for the young generation. Therefore, He should lead by example. Unfortunately, this is not the case. This is not the case with the majority of our Kenyan celebrities. Its like as if they fell from the same tree as our politicians! God help Kenya….

    April 10, 2011 at 9:12 pm

  8. Shaffie is simply a confused young man!!!

    April 11, 2011 at 6:34 pm

  9. Nana wa laban

    I dnt undastnd th big fuss on shaffie..hes nat hawt enuf 4 th al atention ni pesa tu inafanya awe gud 2 luk at..thea many guys awt thea wh r wrth th atention n thy dnt nd 2 b celebrities 2 go wth t…nktlost

    May 5, 2011 at 2:29 pm

  10. doreen wanjiru

    aaii…shaffie is so unbelievable!how cud he do this to Debbie btw do you knw hes who he is 2day coz of debbie??alafu he lies 2 us how hes done with with women n the 2 are enuff 4 him aargh!!thats a lie u shud see how he chips fungas chicks in Gallileo gosh alafu is it true hes ***positive?

    June 1, 2011 at 7:39 pm

  11. soulytah

    outright…a mean where is the face of a woman in Africa(Kenya).?

    June 24, 2011 at 8:36 pm

  12. soulytah

    shaffie dats your life bt am afraid u don bring the picture of the kinda kind u want 2..its lyk u tryna b the rude n bad boy in kenya bt the game aint dat coool..i swear

    June 24, 2011 at 8:38 pm

  13. Beatrice

    Thanx 4 specific blog..plse huk me up wth an eligible bachelor

    August 12, 2011 at 3:22 am

  14. Natally

    Shaffie is jst living hs lyf since t has no duplicate..ts hs life pls note.

    August 21, 2011 at 3:49 pm

  15. Slyviar Omutele

    Think Debbie deserves better.she’s beutiful independent n above all any man would die to be with her.Move on Gal.Let go of dat Idiot once n 4 all.

    August 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    • nelsonkamau

      Natally hi, ati anyman would die to be with her? nope! im a man n if she’s got no character, she’s gotta lose my attention as well> men we are visual like HON. SHAFFIE (EGH, OGW, CBS) so when the seeing is gone..read..when i dont need sex, which you used to get close to me,…then i need to have another reason to be with you a minute longer, of which u may not have the xracter so im terribly regretting meeting you and counting cost!! God is the only kimbilio, or we Debbie-Shaffie all of ya

      January 13, 2012 at 3:47 pm

  16. I just created an account to *blank stare* along with you!WHAT?!!!

    October 15, 2011 at 2:05 am

  17. messy

    i have mercy on my fellow women,live a normal life and struggle for your own stomach.dont look for man to feed you as you satisfy him coz u r only searching for ARV funds after they have dumped the virus in you.

    January 12, 2012 at 12:52 pm

  18. Mizzou

    Wouldnt blame him,people in Nairobi are uncultured nowadays.If even prostitutes can stand infront of guest houses for men,whats next?

    January 13, 2012 at 6:24 am

  19. Mwagzp

    Am juz saying. For debbie….theres a reason shes holding on. Theres always a reason for two women fighting for 1 man.i mean,…the ratio is 1:7 and its movin up..our men are lost in2 drugs, accidents diseases and natural mishap… So we don blame the ladies desperation.

    January 13, 2012 at 7:51 am

    • liar liar…According to the CIA World Factbook, as of 2009 there are 1.1 males to females which works out to about 50.25% males, 49.75% females given the total population of world being approximately 6,790,062,216.
      Do your research…

      March 25, 2012 at 10:41 am

  20. lemmy

    shaffie…hehehe…this guy,aint game!!!…he want to b a player or wat?…technicaly he snitchn on himself! Bt then again,its none of our business…word of advice,dnt play to get attention,the end results get devastatin

    January 13, 2012 at 8:10 am

  21. Joyce mwikali

    Maybe Shaffie’s situation is out of hand.. He is looking 4 a way 2 remain with one woman.

    January 13, 2012 at 10:04 am

  22. steveoyugi

    Adhis terwa moss, this has/had nothing to do with 50/50 sharing. It is an educative piece but don’t stray from the topic. I love your work, definitely adding it to my favorites

    January 13, 2012 at 10:28 am

  23. kim

    yeah thea cool guyz outside thea..na bila balaaa.i wonder how 4 heaven sake shaffie gets to play around wth ladies??ama mko down xana?shaffie u aint gettn ma support n ladies respect yo selves.

    January 13, 2012 at 10:53 am

  24. Serah

    People and judging others! Live your own lives and let others be. Everyone has God given free will to do as they please. Respect that. The ladies have chosen, they live with it. I once saw kids queuing up to get autographs from Patni, but when Shaffie has two women y’all are talking about role models! How common is it for men in this country to have two homes? Impregnate women left right and centre and litter the place with fatherless kids. Hypocrisy is so 1912 people.

    January 13, 2012 at 11:24 am

  25. rafa-el davids

    hehe let the man be! ka kenyan women you are desperate you are jichunguzeni!

    January 14, 2012 at 9:46 am

  26. Loyford njeru

    Ooh my!Thiis guy is rude n for u gals why give such room to rubbish around or is it because he is a celebrity?

    January 14, 2012 at 11:22 am

  27. Shaffie should first work on his looks. He is soo ugly i don knu what girls see in him, money? And he brings all this shit on Public Radio. He disgusts those who love Kiss 100 especially me. Style up Shaffie or go back to high school. That’s where that game is best, you know??

    January 14, 2012 at 11:40 am

  28. Liz

    Imagine hw hs daughter sees hm remember she z nt growin younger

    January 14, 2012 at 4:10 pm

  29. admblind

    “One thing about Debbie is that she is independent and she goes about her business. It’s like she doesn’t care. She’s moved on with her life, so long as I fulfil my responsibility as a father.”
    so this whole bit just seemed to evade you right? SMH another case of someone trying to demonize a chap. I’m not his biggest fan or even a fan for that matter but you seem to have picked the only part of the interview that sits well with your mindset of Shaffie.

    January 14, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    • Well Mr.Smart,u also didnt see the part where he states tht he is mostly seen with Joan but he also goes out wth Debbie

      October 21, 2013 at 4:00 pm

      • admblind

        I believe he also states that with Debbie that he’s fulfilling his obligations as a father…

        January 12, 2014 at 3:40 am

  30. Collo

    I blame our women coz they rush for celebritiez who are already taken,leavin gud men behind

    January 14, 2012 at 7:16 pm

  31. stanley korir

    game ya shaffie iko juu.

    January 14, 2012 at 10:40 pm

  32. sylvia tinnie

    Thank you for that!
    Sometimes we just need that one person who is ready to tell it as it is.
    Shaffiez got talent on radio bt as a man, i’d say hez got no balls just anaa kenyan dude who wants to impress a bunch of ppl. 4what? Fame? Naah. Hez defaming hmself! Bless hs poor soul

    January 14, 2012 at 11:30 pm

  33. rubz

    get ova ua ugly selfish ass shaffie! U r a bore! Debbie deserves beta! Dnt even believe u got her to lyk u! Nkt!

    January 15, 2012 at 12:07 am

  34. sarah

    well i believe shaffie is just an example of wat some kenyan men are. i personaly am trien to change from a negative accept i have always had for all dudes. creously there is no way am ever goin to read crap that a man has said abt me then he cmes bk to my life. or i fight for hm. NEVER EVER.

    January 15, 2012 at 12:31 am

    • miss Mbae

      U can say it again sarah

      February 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm

  35. franklin tsuma

    Thumbs up,wonderfull said.

    January 15, 2012 at 10:55 am

  36. peter

    Good advice to the women, thanks

    January 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

  37. Rixwriter

    Where have I been all these days? This is a great blog!!!! I love!

    January 18, 2012 at 2:56 pm

  38. Deana

    awesome;-) women and ladies have completely lost respect for themselves
    and yet they complain when men treat them as trash..

    January 18, 2012 at 6:08 pm

  39. Conk

    No one ever told women 2 b lousy n loose…wanawake kenya mnajieka chini xana,anyway shaffie i aint supportn u hw cn u treat th mother f ur daughter like so,ur proving 2 b a loud mouth wth sm f u utterance…i mean..ur jst like puke..eyyewww!! DONT TOUCH

    January 20, 2012 at 9:11 pm

  40. Treat a man right and he’l return the same in equal measure! Massage His Ego then you’l Grow His Commitment to yr relationship

    I mean, yu show me your soo independent and make me feel like am begging to be with yu…while lottsa women out there lookin out for a man…;Hell no..! and again…Shaffie must have had a good reason for his actions….

    January 27, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    • Jimmie

      AGREED

      March 27, 2012 at 11:49 am

  41. Yap ,no comment

    February 1, 2012 at 7:22 am

  42. Wes Wek

    That is nothing but the dilemma of dating. Tell me, is there any man/woman worth his/her salt who does not have a fall-back plan. The only problem with Shaffie is that he is being too honest!

    February 1, 2012 at 7:31 am

  43. Drews........

    All this is worthy being read, Kenyan women are cheap! They’ve lost their value……when a woman gives in so easily, how am i convinced she won’t do the same to the other guy, other than me? You dig your own graves……….burry yourselves……nkt!!!!!

    February 1, 2012 at 10:12 am

  44. Avaiya77

    Well, ladies by now should know what men are about…just understand how men(overwhelmingly majority) behave,their thought processes,egos,sex animal instincts….and just work around it, its the best you can do really!

    February 1, 2012 at 11:28 am

  45. MWANGI

    ONE THING AM SURE OF..EVEN IF SHAFFIE IS CLAIMING TO B A REAL JOGOO THERE IS UPPER HAND HERE…THERE IS NO WAY U CAN SERVE TWO WOMAN AT THE SAME TIME FULLY…THEIR TAKING THEY TIME N ENJOYING HIS MONEY….BT LIFE IS ABT BEING HAPPY N IF THIS WHT MAKES THEM HAPPY BE IT..GUYS…

    February 1, 2012 at 4:52 pm

  46. representing dallas

    i dont get why women stay,i dont even know who shaffie is,all i can say is these ladies can do better.dont be a booty call,if he wants the goodies let him work for it and be the person you want to find.dont settle for a nickle{shaffie} when you are a dime{debbie and joan}

    February 1, 2012 at 5:04 pm

  47. Paul

    Tha guy z simply livin hiz lyf

    February 1, 2012 at 5:07 pm

  48. okumu clifford odhiambo

    forsure sherfie is extremely tired of dating those women and he doesn’t respect them because they lost their value as real african women. there are alot of very responsible men out there, what are they still doing with such a man after that interview on pulse? the message sherfie was directing it to just the two of them, if they truely have ears, then they have hear…..

    February 2, 2012 at 8:48 am

  49. Well @shaffie its yo life op u managing it ri8 ..
    To kenyan ladys esp wa nairobi u definately know how cheaper you are .. Sowri u’ve to deal with it, i mean u truly knw that a guy is married n u entertaining his crap???.
    Lastly natafta matha.. Subscribe

    February 3, 2012 at 8:29 am

  50. frank

    stil wndr y ladies r mad at him..kwani te xo cald joan c alkuwa anajua ana gf n daughtr,ten y on earth did she kam 2 him?shaffie shld b blmd cmply cz debbie ana mtoi,bt stil te galz shld b blmd mre!hve u nt cn cmpus galz mvin arnd wit married old men?do tey rly cre 4 te atha lady at hme?thnk abt it!

    February 3, 2012 at 9:17 am

  51. milly

    why is everyone blaming shaffie he already said debbbie is indepedent so if she wants she can bounc for crying out loud she aint no kid!!!!! yes shaffie is arrogant tht aint cool but as far as how he lives is conserned tht is his damn life n he can live whichever way he pleases stop judging him on tht haloooooo!!!1 which one of u is clean here?

    February 3, 2012 at 12:15 pm

  52. Ope ladies u v heard n if u wanna a one night stand niko hapa juu yako

    March 14, 2012 at 3:54 pm

  53. alias lawrence

    Shaffie that is nt soooooo cool of u,,,wish u knew u that u acting lyk a big baby en hopefully with tym ull learn to respect women it’s important,,en btw u nt even a hunk,i don c wot those two ladies are duin around you en wai they want to be associated wit yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    March 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

  54. julie mbilu

    100% true respect your selves and the men will

    April 12, 2012 at 8:47 pm

  55. Ruts

    Nice blog and I agree with you on a lot of points. But there is one thing I have never and will never understand. From your blog I quote “He compared the situation now to his
    days where you had to work extra hard just to get one button of a woman’s shirt open.”
    Now I hear examples like this all day from both men and women and it gets me wondering, why do women estimate their worth by what is under their clothes?
    I mean if a man really wants to get under ur clothes and u hold out for a year, he’s gonna work u for that year and get in ur pants and walk after that.
    If a man wants u for u and u give it up on the first date, he’s gonna stick with u. I had sex with my current girlfriend within a month of meeting. It has been two years and we are still together. so holding out on a man is only going to prolong whatever would have happened if u would have given it up the first day. I personally do nor think it will make him love or care for u any more than he already does. if u are a beautiful and desirable human being a man will see that whether he works hard for tha first button of ur shirt or not.
    Haha sorry for being so outdated. Naona ni ya 2010.

    July 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm

  56. MOI

    Silly women fighing over this urgly dude. where is your pride. Debbie, yes you have a child and so what? Is that the reason you hang on to a man who is not worthy of you. Get a life, you are worth much more than this nonsense

    July 18, 2012 at 9:14 am

  57. You are the one who didnt understand a thing

    October 21, 2013 at 4:01 pm

  58. rashidah yusuf

    of cos kenyan women we hav to respect ouselves. we dnt respect ourselves n dats y men treat us as desparate creatures!!!

    July 28, 2014 at 10:14 pm

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