Shaffie Weru & The Desperation of Kenyan Women
Before you get your panties/boxers in a bunch, let me first say that I have never met Shaffie Weru (he may be a truly wonderful human being), and yes, I am a Kenyan woman. This is purely from an outsider looking in. Those of you who read Shaffie’s interview in Pulse today must have been entertained, tickled, disgusted or just shocked. At first I was thoroughly entertained, until I took some time to process what it was this man was really trying to say. We all know about open relationships. Life gets very unconventional these days and Kenya seems to be battling to keep up with the rest of the world. I have no problem with people doing their own thing. However, we have to draw a line somewhere. Whether you want to hang from the ceiling butt naked or not, people need to respect themselves and the people around them.
Now, I’ll just pull a small excerpt from the interview, word for word, so that you can see what I’m talking about:
Let’s start with the playboy tag…
I’m not a playboy but a party boy. I would say I don run around with women, as was the case while back. I know many people would want to now if I’m dating Debbie Asila and Joan at the same time. I would say that it’s really none of their business, but that makes me sound rude. The truth is, they are both a big part of my life.
Debbie is the mother of my daughter, I adore and respect her, she’s been there for me and has invested so much into this relationship. Joan on the other hand is here now, and everyone just has to deal with it. I’m seen more with Joan, especially in the pictures that appear in the media.
So how do you manage?
My family lives in Upperhill while Joan lives in Kileleshwa. I shuttle to and fro; sometimes I’m with Debbie and other times I’m with Joan.
It does strains me because it’s a lot of energy having to be in two places every now and then, but I put myself in this situation so I try and manage it. Like I said, I don’t have time for more, I’m tired of women. Two is already a handful. Nothing lasts forever; I guess the shuttling to and fro will eventually come to an end. I take it each day at a time. May be I’ll end up with whoever hangs on the longest.
And are both Debbie and Joan fine with the sharing?
They are definitely not OK; they don’t see eye to eye. I however try to make each of them comfortable. It’s tricky, but I try my best. One thing about Debbie is that she is independent and she goes about her business. It’s like she doesn’t care. She’s moved on with her life, so long as I fulfil my responsibility as a father.
You can see that he started off quite well. He even stated that he respects the mother of his daughter. A few sentences later, he’s shuttling back and forth between the two women and hoping to end up with whoever hangs on the longest. *blank stare* If I were either Debbie or Joan, trust me, there would be no peace in Nairobi county tonight. The Luo in me would throw stones and ng’oa the reli from Kibera all the way to Museveni land this very night!
Now, we can’t put all the blame on Shaffie. After all, these two ladies are hanging on of their own volition, right? He is not holding a gun to any of their heads. Why do we do this to ourselves? There are so many eligible men in Nairobi. Shit, I hook up so many pals to great guys almost every weekend. This story sounds like a joke! At one point I thought Shaffie must be filming a Kenyan version of The Bachelor.
We women must learn to do better for ourselves. We must respect ourselves. If a man can talk about you like that in a national newspaper with online presence, he has lost any respect he had for you if he had any at all. Remember the story about his birthday where one of them (can’t remember if it was Debbie or Joan) was causing a scene over him? What the fuck? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad? If a man has decided he can live without you, or that you are just an option, then let him be for heavens sake!!!
The other day I was watching Churchill and he had Rev. Timothy Njoya as a guest. They got to talking about why women in Kenya are saying there are no men to marry and end up praying with a Nigerian pastor for husbands. Njoya made a very poignant point. The gist of what he said is that women have becoming easy. Yes, the problem is that simple. He compared the situation now to his days where you had to work extra hard just to get one button of a woman’s shirt open. These days, we basically serve ourselves up on a silver platter to the men. They don’t have to do any work. Therefore, we lose our value as women.
I was at Rafikiz this past Tuesday (sema Mashujaa Day excitement lol) and the women there were basically nude! One waitress even told me that the women they see on Tuesdays are some of the most desperate women in all of Nairobi, if not Kenya. Let me tell you girls. I usually hang out with lots of guys (end result of being in a relationship where you’re cool with his boys) and they basically said that the reason they go there is to pick up chics for one night stands and then it’s on to the next.
I’m not saying don’t have one night stands teeheehee. I’m saying, if that’s what you want to do, go right ahead. It’s a free country after all. But take it for what it is. Don’t expect him to automatically want to wife you when you accidentally get pregnant. Take responsiblity for your actions, and above all, when he says he’s moving on, let him be. Please note I’m not saying Debbie was a one night stand. I’m now speaking generally. Ladies of Kenya, we’ve got to do better or we can forget our dream of 50-50 leadership sharing with the men according to the new constitution!!!