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Opinion Pieces

Tyler Perry: I Owe My Success to the Grace of God

Tyler Perry is a controversial man. People either love his work with a passion, or hate it with a passion. Some have even slammed him for his stereotypical depiction of black people. The one thing everyone can agree on is that he is amazingly successful at what he does. Perry wrote and produced many stage plays during the 1990s and early 2000s. In 2005, he released his first film, Diary of a Mad Black Woman. In 2011, Forbes named him the highest paid man in entertainment, earning $130 million between May 2010 and 2011.

All his success didn’t happen overnight but you too can learn his secret to success. Earlier this week, Perry posted a video blog on his Facebook fan page that gave a lot of inquiring minds an answer to the million dollar question –“How did you make it?” In the video, he reveals that a lot of people try to have  hundreds of trades in hopes that something will pop off and they will become a millionaire but Perry believes you should try something simpler. “Narrow your focus to one idea and make it work. It will give birth to all the others,” he said.

This is what he had to say about his journey of how he went from living in his car to being one of the highest paid men in entertainment:

There’s only one answer for that and I say this all the time in the press but people cut it out of articles or they don’t want to print it or they don’t want to say it. The truth be told, it was nothing but the grace of God. Nothing But The Grace of God.

You can plant seeds all day long; you can go around giving your business cards to people. You can go around knocking on doors and auditioning; you can do all of that every day of your life and for most people nothing happens. When a seed is planted in the ground all you can do it water it. You cannot control the sunshine. You cannot control the weather and you cannot control what the locust will come and try to destroy. All you can do is plant your seed in the ground, water it and believe. That is what allowed me to be in this position right now. (more…)

Should Women Carry Condoms?

I don’t usually pay attention to anything about Producer and Black Eyed Peas frontman Will.I.Am, but he recently sat down with ELLE, to discuss what he won’t tolerate in a relationship. Surprisingly, one of his pet peeves include a woman who keeps condoms at her house. Check out an excerpt from the interview:

If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?
If she had condoms in her house, that would just f–kin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.

Well, okay, I could see if she had a candy bowl full of them on the coffee table. But if she’s got a few in a drawer, wouldn’t that simply suggest she’s health-conscious?
I just think, like, if you’re into someone and you guys get to that level, then that’s something you should converse about together and say, “Hey, maybe we should get some.”

From what I understand, he’s pulling the “I was not consulted” line, and as a Kenyan, let me tell you I’m sick and tired of hearing that shit. At the risk of TMI, carrying a condom is something that I’ve done quite frequently (Mummy please don’t cringe or put your shock face on when you read this :-) ). Women who don’t carry condoms or don’t keep them somewhere close get on my nerves and confuse me. Unless they’ve made a conscious decision to be celibate and are sticking to it. I’m not talking about the female condom. I actually have one at home but I’m yet to try it. It just doesn’t look too comfortable. I’m talking about the regular male condoms. (more…)

Are You The Marrying Kind?

I know I’m not the only one who has often wondered why Halle Berry has a difficult time with relationships. As hot as she is, you’d think a man would do everything in his power to make things work with her. In last year’s September issue of Vogue magazine, she revealed that she realized we are not meant to go the distance with everybody. She is currently dating French actor Olivier Martinez, who she met on the set of “Dark Tide”.  Although they’ve been getting pretty serious, Halle recently revealed that the traditional form of marriage is not for her, and she won’t be getting married again.

“I wish I had known then that I was not the marrying kind. It would have saved me a lot of time, heartache and grief over the years.

I made all the wrong choices when it came to love. I have been an idiot. But, now, it is like a gift to myself – seeing more clearly and making better decisions. One thing was unavoidable. My father left us when I was young and that did affect my life. If I had a good father in my life, growing up, then I do not think I would have made the mistakes I made. I would not have been lost in love. (more…)

Should Women Propose to Men?

I’ve been accused of being a tad old fashioned. A few reasons are that I refuse to chase after a man, I refuse to use “new” dating techniques such as meeting people online (specifically Facebook. FB is the devil) and I refuse to propose to a man. Sue me. I just won’t do it. I’m not totally prehistoric, don’t get me wrong. I will go half on bills, although I still believe a man should bear more responsibility financially if you’re living together. It’s just the way things should be. If you’re living with a man and you find that more often than not, you’re worried about whether you’ll make the rent or school fees for your kids, then  you do not have a man. You have an extra child to think about.

Before the men start throwing stones, please think back to the days of our grandfathers. The woman’s primary role was to care for the home and the kids. I’m not saying that women could not work. My grandmother was a very successful teacher and Chairlady of an African women’s organization. My grandfather was secure enough in his manhood to handle the bills, and still let his wife be her own person. (more…)

Would You Keep Your Ex’s Name After Divorce?

Such a complicated issue. Would you and should you keep your ex-husband’s last name after a divorce? I’m so tempted to say no. Actually, I never understood why we should let go of our maiden names when we get married. However, my fiance is adamant that I should take his when we do get married. The jury’s still out on that one. But what happens when a marriage ends? I think taking back your last name is a powerful way to feel reborn, and most marriages end on a bad note anyway so why not start afresh? Tameka Foster Raymond, Shaunie O’neal and Kimora Lee Simmons are just a few of the women who have chosen to keep their ex’s name. Shaunie O’neal is still using hers and this is what she had to say about it: (more…)

Valentine’s Day DON’Ts For Women

Yesterday we tackled the all-important DON’Ts for our male counterparts. Today, let’s focus on us. Women get really excited on Valentine’s Day. At my work place, it seems the ladies get divided into two categories on that day: those who received flowers and those who didn’t. Needless to say, despite all the excitement it can be a very trying time for some of us. If you’re lucky enough to have a Valentine, the work doesn’t end there. There are quite a few things you need to keep in mind.

DON’T have unreasonably high expectations. Let’s face it. Men are already confused and don’t even understand why this day is important for most of us. Don’t pile on the pressure and have him walking around like a zombie. If possible, let him know before hand that you are not expecting the world from him. His efforts should come from the heart and that’s all that matters. (more…)

Valentine’s Day DON’Ts For Men

Most men are totally clueless when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I think most of them would prefer to pack up and head to shags until the whole thing is over and done with. Unfortunately for them, women watch soap operas and telenovelas so the bar has been set pretty high for them. Not to panic! I’m here to give you a few tips on what NOT to do so that you come out looking like the knight in shining armour that women dream about.

First on the list – DON’T assume that your girl does or does not celebrate Valentines. While most women love being pampered on that day, some of us would love for you to do it every day. Therefore, celebrating the day specifically on February 14th may be taken as an insult and could even earn you a cold night on the couch. Discuss Valentine’s Day with the person you are dating. If one of you loves the holiday and the other can’t bear it, come up with a compromise. And for goodness sake, if you know she does celebrate it, make a conscious effort not to forget that it’s Valentine’s Day!!! (more…)

Speech by 25 Year Old Lauryn Hill

I have always loved Lauryn Hill. Not in a lesbian kinda way. I just think she’s extremely talented and true to her art. Regardless of her issues, you can’t deny she’s a hip hop legend. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill continues to inspire me and comfort me whenever I need it to this day! Lauryn gave a speech to some high school students when she was only 25 years old. She spoke such wisdom, such truth!!! She’s always been way ahead of her time. You can find video footage at Concrete Loop. Here are some excerpts for those searching for knowledge:

I can make money very easily, I can make records that are self indulgent and basically self-promote me… I can do that and promote myself. Lyrically as an emcee that stuff comes easy but in order to promote something higher, I feel now at the ripe old age of 25 that the only thing that I can do is serve others. Because there are people who haven’t reached that point in their walk… Yes, there is a little anger, resentment because you raise a standard especially when you do it and make some noise. You do it and people listen to what you have to say and people are bumping it on the radio and you’re saying something that holds a mirror to a lot of the negativity and self-indulgent things and messages of other people. But we are all young and I have a hard time being so hard on the music world, especially hip hop because we come out of the hood at 17 years old having no clue or concept of what life really is. Because hip hop is so fast and changes so quickly by the time they do get a concept they are no longer making records. I’ve been put in this unique position and I have this very unique responsibility that God has made me aware while I still have the mic. (more…)

Fashion Faux Pas Kenyan Women Love To Make


I don’t know about you, but I’m finding it harder each day to walk in the streets of Nairobi without wanting to stop a woman just to find out if she has a mirror at home that she uses before stepping out the door. Some women look shocking and atrocious! Not everything that’s in fashion will look good on you! Let me share with you a few things that throw me into cardiac shock, thus shortening my life expectancy. (more…)

Regretting My Threesome

Please bear with me. This is a post I came across and I was amazed at the stupidity exhibited by some members of the human race. Some things are just not meant to be done. My next comment may be a bit controversial but I will go ahead anyway. Men are like children. DO NOT give them everything they ask for or you will live to regret it. Just like this foolish woman right here. Remember yesterday I was talking about people being confused about whether they like men or women? Being “bisexual” is what caused the problem for this woman. It was the genesis. All I ask is that people be clear on their sexual preference. Read on to understand…

Dear Miss Jia,

You always seem to have something real to say, so I am hoping you can help knock some sense into me. I recently got engaged a couple months ago to a guy who is the man of my dreams. We have a happy life…no worries about money, we communicate well and overall (by outward appearances) seem to be “the” couple. Going into the relationship, I was very open with him about the fact that I am bisexual. I didn’t feel the need to hide it but I knew that telling him this (as with any man) would open up pandora’s box. He shared with me that he’s always wanted to have a threesome with a black chick and a white one. (more…)

8 Reasons To Date A White Man

Yes, I know. The title sounds preposterous. I was as angry as you when I saw this. I spotted it at Madame Noire. This article was written by a lady called LaShaun Williams. She started off with a sort of disclaimer that she’s married to a black man. “I am married to a Black man—dark-skinned, 100 percent cocoa.” However, she goes on to say, “To me, there is nothing more physically beautiful on this earth. Notice I said physically. Outside of that, there are plenty of more financially, intellectually and emotionally stable options.” Black men, specifically African-American men, should be highly offended by this generalization. Anyway, here are her 8 reasons: (more…)

Should Women Shave Their Legs?

*sigh* I really can’t believe I’m writing this post. The above pic is of Monique, the comedian, from this past weekend when she attended the BET Hip Hop Awards in Atlanta. Now those are some hairy legs. In the past, I’ve just kept it moving when people complained about her legs. But it’s really beginning to irk me. Ladies, there is no excuse for you to get out of the house looking like godzilla is your grandfather.

Yes, I respect Monique’s right to let her legs look whichever way she fancies, but this right here is so not the business. These legs have even been the topic of conversation in her interview with the view a few years back. The topic had arisen because of the below flick taken at the Golden Globe Awards: (more…)

1 in 5 Adults Loves Someone Other Than Their Partner

Bad news people!!! The dating and marriage thing just got way trickier. According to a recent study, 20 per cent of people are in love with someone other than the person they are currently with. If you’re like me, in a relationship that seems to be headed to marriage, that statement has made you take another look at your relationship.

A recent poll of 3,000 people in relationships showed that one in five adults are actually in love with someone other than their significant other. (more…)

Why I'm Not Buying Into Wyclef Jean's Presidency Bid

So the rumours have been confirmed and it seems Wyclef Jean will be running for Presidency in Haiti. While I’m happy that Haiti is democratic enough to let anyone have a chance at the Presidency, I have serious misgivings about Wyclef’s qualifications for the job. To me, it honestly seems like he is taking advantage of the fact that Haiti is literally on its knees.

The picture above was taken right here in Nairobi during the MTV Africa Music Awards (MAMAs) towards the end of last year. Wyclef and Akon were in a sort of dick measuring competition (at least that’s what it looked like to me). Call me old fashioned or puritan if you like, I don’t fancy the President of Kenya embarassing me and my country on a national stage. A President has to carry himself/herself with a sense of the utmost decorum. Wyclef has failed on this point. (more…)

Is Beyonce Ruining Your Relationship?

Ladies, you always knew this day would come. We need to rethink our position when it comes to Beyonce. I know she has empowered many of you but enough is enough. As a woman, there have been numerous times when I’ve listened to a Beyonce song and actually felt like she knew what was going on in my life. Like my best friend even. You know all those “TO THE LEFT, TO THE LEFT” moments? Yes, they are a classic symptom of Beyonceitis. But ladies, the madness has got to stop. When you listen to the following songs, please bear in mind that Beyonce is a happily married woman with a very rich husband to boot. (more…)

SOS! Naomi Campbell's Hair Is Missing!

Wololo! Wololo! Naomi yawa! Kenyan women please take note! Lace front extensions can do this to your hairline. I know we are all excited about lace fronts. However, I have refrained from letting someone put one on me for the simple fact that I am not sure about their qualifications. Please check that the person has gone to school somewhere and has learned the PROPER procedure for “installing” a lace front. Otherwise, you may end up looking like you were in a fight with a woman who tore out clumps of your hair. More details and pics after the break. (more…)

Should Angelina Jolie Play Cleopatra?

Earlier this month producer Scott Rudin announced that he was developing a Cleopatra biopic “for and with Jolie” based on Stacy Schiff’s book “Cleopatra: A Life.” Schiff raved about the choice, telling USA Today, “Physically, she’s the perfect look.” But is she really? The above picture was computer generated by scientists at Cambridge University in 2008. (more…)

Why Women Love Bad Boys

Bad Boys. Love them or hate them, the fact remains that women just can’t get enough of them. I’ve had friends who were clearly dating guys that were so poisonous to their lives. Trying to get them to see how unhealthy the dude was for them was like convincing a certain friend (no names) that flats are so last season. I will also admit that I’ve dated a bad boy or two. Not my wisest decision. I don’t regret it really; the ride was fun while it lasted. However, we have to know when we’re past the phase when we can use age as an excuse for our shennanigans. (more…)

Rant: Swara Safari Hotel

Okay I’m going to indulge myself on quite a rant here. I guess I can do that coz it is, in fact, my blog right? Swara Safari Hotel. Never again. I don’t think I’m a picky person. However, I do insist on getting value for my money. And this past Sunday, Swara fell remarkably short of doing so. I had driven over there on Sunday afternoon to chase away my Safari 7s hangover which caused me to completely miss out on the finals. You know when you wake up late in the afternoon, the fridge is totally empty and your stomach won’t quit rumbling? Yes, that is how I was feeling. (more…)

Do Open Relationships Work?

Every other day we hear about a relationship where one partner cheats. It’s been happening since time immemorial. Hapo zamani za kale it would be brushed under the rug and the person cheated on would have to suck it up and keep things moving. These days we have the option of divorce and I think my generation will be Generation D for Divorce. I hope I’m not scaring anyone. That is truly not my attention. I’m just saying, with all the failing relationships we see, maybe it’s time we think outside the box. Not that I’m advocating for open relationships. I’m very much a monogamist. I’m just open to looking at new ways of tackling issues. Erykah Badu said “I have friends who are in polygamous relationships – they’re no more happy or sad than we are. But at least the b*tches know what’s comin’ next!” (more…)

Relationship Deal Breakers

The other day I was hanging out with a very close friend. We started talking about different relationships of people we both know, and our past relationships. So I got to wondering, where does someone toe the line? What does your partner have to do for you to decide that you can’t be a part of that relationship anymore?

We all have our different thresholds for what we can and cannot tolerate. I’ll admit, most of us are a little harsher than most. To make things more complicated, women these days are self sufficient. They do not need to ‘vumilia’ in a relationship in which they are not happy. This has changed the dating parameters for men quite a bit. It’s not unusual to meet a man who has been dumped and does not have the slightest idea what went wrong. So let’s take a look at the things that really annoy women, to the point of throwing away the ring you bought her worth 50k :-) (more…)

Don't Date Her Dude!!!

Last week I promised the guys I would help them out with tips on choosing the right woman to date. Easier said than done! I had to do lots of research. And I’m sure I’ll make many ladies mad with this one. But it’s only fair, right?

Men and women have totally different thought patterns when it comes to choosing a mate. For men, they are not always in the market for a long term relationship. Sometimes they just want to “hang out” and we all know what that means. Anyway, here are a few tips for the gentlemen. And ladies, I’m sorry if I’m breaking a code by divulging this information. They asked for it in good faith. (more…)

Would You Make A Sex Tape?

Love makes us do stupid things, right? But top on the list has got to be the decision to make a sex tape. People usually make this mistake when in a really intense relationship. They think they’re genuinely in love, and they truly might be. But love blinds even the sharpest minds.

It may start off as a joke. One of you suggests, ‘Let’s make a video!’ You blush and giggle a little. Then it’s all forgotten…well, until the next time they ask. This time, you wonder how serious they are. You even find yourself flattered that they would actually love to immortalize your heavenly image on camera. A few weeks later you’re ready. You pick a date and even go shopping for some hot props (lingerie, furry handcuffs, a whip for the really adventurous :-)). On D-Day, you have just enough wine to get you in the mood. In half an hour, the deed is done. You sit back and admire yourselves. You’re surprised at how hot you look. (more…)

Regina King to Black Women: Date Outside Your Race

Here’s an excerpt from Regina’s blog over at Vibe:

Of all groups of people, Black women are the least likely group of women that will date outside of their race. 

Every single one of my girlfriends won’t date men that aren’t Black. I have maybe about five and these are people that I’m really considering my friends, not people that are associates or that you talk to or deal with at work. I have about five Black friends who date outside of their race. But all the other friends of mine, it’s either they vocally say that they won’t or every time an opportunity comes up for them to date outside of their race, there’s some excuse why it’s not going to work. They never really say it’s because he’s White, or because he’s Spanish or something like that. It’ll be more like, Well, you know he works at such and such, and our schedules don’t match.’ But we’ll know really what it is. It’s ’cause he’s White. (more…)


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