Yes, I know… After the debacle that is Dwyane Wade having a baby while on a “break” from Gabrielle Union, she is the last person I thought could give relationship advice. However, in her latest interview with Glamour magazine, I’m surprised by how much sense she makes. This is a classic case of do as I say, not as I do. The star of BET’s original scripted TV series Being Mary Jane, shares her big relationship DOs and DONTs:
DO forget your “type.” It worked for me. When I met Dwyane, his “résumé” looked like crap: athlete, going through a divorce, nine years younger than me. None of that screamed, “Let’s have a lasting relationship.” Then, after I had a heart-crushing breakup with yet another immature jerk, I thought, it can’t be any worse if I date a fetus. Let’s just see what happens. Turned out he’d been on his own since he was 15. He had wisdom that comes with facing an insane amount of adversity. He’s sweet, funny, honest about his shortcomings. When I put my preconceived notions to the side, I found someone cool.
DON’T put up with a friend-versus-boyfriend tug-of-war. Some friends act possessive and say, “You’re not spending enough time with me.” Huh? Remember when we made our vision boards and the dude was in the middle? You’re supposed to be happy for me. Thankfully, my girls are like, “High-five!” And D likes to be around them too. If there’s weirdness, either something’s wrong with the friends—or the boy. Investigate. And sift accordingly. (more…)
We all remember Tichina Arnold from the hit TV show Martin, where she played Pam Jones, Martin’s arch nemesis. After winning us over in the 90s as Pam, she went on to land one memorable TV role after another. These days, she calls the set of TV Land’s Happily Divorced home. On the show, she plays star Fran Drescher’s best friend Judi Mann, and they’re both 40-something woman still single and looking for love. In real life, Arnold’s found true love with her fiancé Rico Hines, an assistant NCAA basketball coach with whom she is planning a dreamy Hawaiian wedding.
Essence.com recently caught up with the Queens native and asked her to open up about her romantic past and how it has shaped her present day relationship. She even revealed some juicy wedding details. Here’s what she had to say about relationships, marriage and her upcoming wedding:
ESSENCE: What have you learned from past relationships that has prepared you for the one you have today?
ARNOLD: To not be so bossy. You know, when you’re single, you’re very independent. Very independent women raised me. We didn’t have a lot of male figures as the head of our household, so I got, and took on, a lot of that strong spirit from the matriarchs in my family. It allows you to get on through life a lot easier, but the downside is that you don’t have that experience of watching a male figure interact with women in the home. When you come from an all-female household, when you’re in a relationship, you get into situations you don’t really know how to handle, which I didn’t. (more…)
Nothing inspires you to want great love in your life more than seeing it in action, right in front of you. Boris Kodjoe and Nicole Ari Parker, have been married for seven years after meeting on the set of Showtime’s Soul Food over ten years ago. Now, the two are ready to dish on how they have managed to maintain a successful marriage.
They caught up with Essence.com during the Valentine’s Day season and dished on the keys to a successful marriage. Boris says that being best friends is number one on the list. Nicole tells the ladies to tone down the nagging and stop following the ‘how to keep your man’ advice from your girls (Can I get an AMEN???). According to Nicole, your man will notice a good home cooked meal before he notices how great you look in those new shoes or purse.
Boris: I think what’s important is that you’re friends and that you like each other. That’s number one. If you like each other, you have fun with each other and you make each other laugh. You enjoy each others presence then that’s a great foundation to have, first of all. We make each other laugh and keep it sexy. It’s like with everything else — if you want to be successful in a business you have to work everyday to make that happen. A relationship is no different. If you want a relationship that’s flourishing and great and fun and successful, you’ve got to put effort into it every day. We try to do that for each other and with each other. (more…)
Dating these days is quite complicated. I feel like men these days are nothing like our grand fathers. There was a certain standard men aspired to when it came to relationships. Women were put on pedestals and treated like queens. I was out with a friend of mine the other day at a house party. Only beer was available and I do not drink the frothy stuff. So he made a quick run to the store for something for me to drink. I kid you not, every guy there gave him grief about it. They were saying that he must have a crush on me to go out of his way like that because they would have made me drink whatever was available. It was just so saddening. A brother was just being a gentleman.
Anyway, thank goodness for men like Boris Kodjoe. They restore my faith in the male species. Boris, who has been married to Nicole Ari Parker for the last six years, recently gave some good insight into what a ‘Good Man’ should be while conversing with model/actress Claudia Jordan. Claudia tweeted that her mother told her to find ‘some rich, ugly producer and marry him’ because of her troubles with finding a quality man in LA. Boris responded:
“Why he gotta be ugly? Honestly, I think LA is cancerous for relationships. The hustle mentality and ‘gotta make it’ attitude keeps people from cultivating a real connection. No one has time to take anyone in. Everyone is self-centered and wants to ‘keep it moving’ Dudes here are so insecure that they have to switch up a girl every week to hide their ‘weaknesses’. A real man embraces them!”
From that response, he went on to create the trending topic, #How2baMan, where he shared what he believes are qualities that all men should possess. Check them out below: (more…)
Listen up people! Class is in session! We’ve all wondered how Will Smith and his wife Jada have managed to have 13 years of marriage together in Hollywood of all places! There has to be a secret to their success. Well, wonder no more. Will recently spoke to an Essence Magazine editor and shared the following tips to a successful marriage:
If You Marry Your Best Friend, You’re Good
Every man wants to marry his homie. A lot of women will impress them, but it’s the one they can always laugh with and be themselves with that will ultimately impress them the most. If you can be yourselves around each other, 100 percent of the time, and they can make you laugh like no one else can, you’ll never have a dull moment together. (more…)
I know I’m not the only one who has often wondered why Halle Berry has a difficult time with relationships. As hot as she is, you’d think a man would do everything in his power to make things work with her. In last year’s September issue of Vogue magazine, she revealed that she realized we are not meant to go the distance with everybody. She is currently dating French actor Olivier Martinez, who she met on the set of “Dark Tide”. Although they’ve been getting pretty serious, Halle recently revealed that the traditional form of marriage is not for her, and she won’t be getting married again.
“I wish I had known then that I was not the marrying kind. It would have saved me a lot of time, heartache and grief over the years.
I made all the wrong choices when it came to love. I have been an idiot. But, now, it is like a gift to myself – seeing more clearly and making better decisions. One thing was unavoidable. My father left us when I was young and that did affect my life. If I had a good father in my life, growing up, then I do not think I would have made the mistakes I made. I would not have been lost in love. (more…)
I’ve been accused of being a tad old fashioned. A few reasons are that I refuse to chase after a man, I refuse to use “new” dating techniques such as meeting people online (specifically Facebook. FB is the devil) and I refuse to propose to a man. Sue me. I just won’t do it. I’m not totally prehistoric, don’t get me wrong. I will go half on bills, although I still believe a man should bear more responsibility financially if you’re living together. It’s just the way things should be. If you’re living with a man and you find that more often than not, you’re worried about whether you’ll make the rent or school fees for your kids, then you do not have a man. You have an extra child to think about.
Before the men start throwing stones, please think back to the days of our grandfathers. The woman’s primary role was to care for the home and the kids. I’m not saying that women could not work. My grandmother was a very successful teacher and Chairlady of an African women’s organization. My grandfather was secure enough in his manhood to handle the bills, and still let his wife be her own person. (more…)